The Ladybug
Introduction to Awareness
Last week, I shared an insight about a presence I perceive as the "experiencer" of my life. Understand that Eliyahu Levitas is solely a living organism; there's a divine presence experiencing life through this organism. When you look at this screen and read these words, consider this: You are not merely observing; you are the living organism aware of this awareness.
Imagine a machine operating in rhythmic patterns, gathering data and producing results. Without awareness, these results would go unnoticed. Consider your vision (assuming sight isn't an issue). Your eyes operate like machines, observing and collecting data. Yet, you aren't the entity actually "seeing" these words. You are the mechanism collecting data, with an awareness that interprets this data.
Deepening the Concept of Awareness
Take a moment to fixate on the word "Hello." Understand that while your eyes process this visual data, there exists another presence or being that is truly aware of this observation. The colors, shapes, and makeup of the word "Hello" are external; you are merely conscious of the awareness of this word. It's a complex idea but imagine that God has always been right under your nose. Ironically, you are that awareness, not just the organism. You believe you're the organism because the concept of being the awareness itself is profoundly abstract.
Consider the act of biting your nails. The organism performs the physical action, but you are aware of the sensation—the feeling of the teeth touching the nails and the feeling of saliva wetting the skin. These sensations aren't "you"; they're just experiences you're aware of.
A Moment of Acute Awareness
Lately, I've been oscillating between unconscious states and meditative awareness, focusing on the awareness that experiences this organism. One particular instance unfolded at work. I was walking toward the bathroom when suddenly a wave of anxiety swept over me. The corridors, the noise, everything seemed to amplify my inner turmoil. Instead of continuing to the bathroom, I made a beeline for my car parked outside. Once inside, I was enveloped by a quiet sanctuary, allowing me to confront and sit with the overwhelming feelings that had surged within me. This retreat into my car wasn’t just an escape; it was a deliberate choice to engage in meditation, focusing deeply on the awareness experiencing these intense emotions.
This experience reminded me of how a ladybug secretes toxins when threatened— a natural defense mechanism to repel predators. Similarly, when our ego feels threatened, it can release a "toxin" within our psyche, manifesting as discomfort or distressing thoughts designed to prompt a defensive reaction. However, this system isn't an absolute truth; it's merely a defense strategy of the living organism.
By sitting through this discomfort, I eventually reached a state of calm and clarity, realizing that reacting hastily could lead to poor decisions. Instead, I recognized the need to continue with life's processes, embracing the experiences as they come.
This journey of awareness is truly fascinating, offering a unique perspective on the essence of being and the mechanics of our inner lives.
Reflection and Engagement
As you contemplate the ideas presented in this post, I invite you to explore your own experiences with awareness and the distinction between being the observer and the observed. Consider the following questions to deepen your understanding and connect more personally with the concepts discussed:
Awareness Check: When you read the word "Hello" earlier in this post, what did you notice about your awareness? Were you able to distinguish between simply seeing the word and experiencing the awareness of seeing it?
Daily Observations: Think about a routine activity you do every day, like brushing your teeth or preparing a meal. Can you identify moments where you are fully the 'mechanism collecting data' versus being aware of the sensations and experiences?
Emotional Awareness: Recall a recent situation where you felt a strong emotional reaction, similar to the anxiety experience described. What was the situation? How did you respond initially, and how might focusing on your awareness have changed your reaction?
Deep Dive into Discomfort: Have there been moments where sitting through discomfort, instead of immediately reacting to it, led to a greater sense of calm or insight? Describe one such experience.
Meditative Practices: Do you currently use meditation or any other practices to focus on your awareness? If so, how has this influenced your perception of daily experiences? If not, what has prevented you from starting?
I encourage you to jot down your answers or reflect on them during your next meditation session. Engaging with these questions can enhance your understanding of yourself as both the experiencer and the observer of your life, offering a richer appreciation of the complexities of awareness.